I heard someone say this once, so it’s not original material. What it is is good stuff, though. Today’s first reading says that when one finds a worthy wife. It doesn’t say when one finds a good mistress or a fun time. God did not inspire him to write that a man should be looking for a girl to raise or a notch in their belt (what the kids would call a ‘body count.’) The proverb says when one finds a worthy wife.
That means two things. First, those looking for a spouse should be looking for spouse material—a person with integrity, honor, faith. It should be someone you can give your heart to, confident that they will return it to you intact. If you have to look through your person’s phone in secret to see where they’ve been, something is wrong. If you can’t even trust them with the password to your phone, email, and social media accounts, how can you trust them with your eternal soul?
It also means that you must live as a husband or as wife material. When a man or woman is married, their behavior shows they are in that relationship. They don’t run around behind the others back, hiding things. They speak carefully about the one they love, being diligent always to be kind and generous. They stand up for their heart, which is where your future spouse should already be. They act faithfully, not doing things with random people who aren’t their sacramental partner.
Which brings me to the sermon my kids were privy to hear last night. If your date isn’t willing to respect that your body is only for the one person, the man or woman that you intend to give your all to, then they aren’t willing to respect anything else about you either. It seems old fashioned these days to wait till marriage for sex. But let me tell you something, there is only one thing on this planet that is truly yours. There is only one gift you can give away, one with eternal consequences, that too many are just sharing with ‘good time’ material without looking for a spouse. Your intimacy is a far more generous gift than diamonds or pearls, gold, or money. Why are you giving it to a passing man or woman when you can be saving it and sharing it with someone who truly appreciates, safeguards, and honors it?
Remember this about the word intimacy. An easy way to understand that word is: “into me, see.” Real intimacy means giving all of you who are you to someone else. That means holding nothing back. This definition reveals to us one of the reasons we Catholics believe birth control to be against God’s plan. Preventing the conception of life, trying to stop intimacy from being complete, is saying to your loved one, “I give you all of me, except that part of me.” It’s saying, “the part of me that is most like God, the part that creates life itself, I’m not willing to share that with you.”
Find you a spouse, not a boyfriend, not a toy, not a passing and fleeting moment of lust. That’s the “true unfailing prize.” A person you can share all of yourself with, the good, the bad, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. That’s the kind of intimacy God wants with us, and the kind He intended for marriage. One that generates life and encourages unity. That’s what sacramental marriage is all about.
A homily for the Thirty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time: November 15th, 2020